* Angus Skaaland made an unscheduled appearance on AM 1300 The Zone’s morning show the Wake Up Call this morning when he called in to announce that LARIAT would be holding their first event outside the Wrestle-Plex on the campus of the University of Texas on Saturday September 5th when the promotions invades The Range at the legendary Mohawk Austin! That wasn’t all, though, as the main event would be a “restart” of the Pride of Texas Heavyweight Title Tournament final between Dusty Griffith and Frank Dylan James! However, due to the events surrounding their last match, the two would clash inside of a fifteen-foot high STEEL CAGE and the title belt would be awarded to the first man to escape the cage!
On top of that, Angus said that he’d taken a special interest in the Lonestar Television Champion, Rich Mahogany, and said he’d made it his personal mission to teach “The Love Machine” some respect! For starters, he was ordering another rematch for the 9/05 event as Mahogany would defend his title against Wyatt Bronson one more time! As an extra-added bonus since Rich couldn’t seem to keep from getting himself counted out or disqualified in all of his title match, this match would be a Texas Bullrope Match!
That wasn’t it, however, as Angus also announced that since he had to open his big mouth about Pacific Wrestling: Canada and their upcoming Canadian Air Assault ‘09 event that he’d gotten in touch with PW:C promoter Matt Saunders to negotiate Rich’s appearances himself! That’s right, “The Thrust Muffin” would indeed be competing in the tournament, and if that weren’t bad enough Skaaland has even gone so far as to make each of Rich’s matches in the tournament a legitimate defense of the Lonestar TV Title! Rich might not even make it to his strap match with the title still around his waist!
In the final bit of his segment, the LARIAT boss again thanked the fans in Austin for their tremendous support of the fledgling company, and to show his appreciation he was going to be bringing in more and more top wrestlers from around the Pro-Wrestling world to entertain the growing fan-base!
* As if on cue the internet dirtsheet 2smart4marks.com posted a link to a video from a longtime road agent and talent coordinator for pretty much any major promotion to come through Texas in the past decade by the name of F. Brocious Cartwright. Cartwright was dressed in like some kind of modern day cowboy, complete with pristine white cowboy had and black bola-tie around his neck.
“F.B. Cartwright has been working for peons and ijits for TOO LONG! But no more, y’see in all my years in this business I’ve developed and helped the careers of several young, grateful wrestlers, and now it’s time to step into the spotlight and lead these men to the top of the Wrestling World!”
* Osaka Hate Crime members Yutaka Tendo and Mitsuru Yahagi are undefeated in LARIAT competition as they defeated every team on the roster in the inaugural Texas Heritage Tag League to win the Tag Team titles! As such, the Japanese duo has exclaimed that no one inside of LARIAT has even a remote chance of defeating them, and they demand a challenge from someone! The team has signed an open contract to face any team in the world, on any LARIAT event, in order to further prove their dominance in Tag Team Wrestling!
* Rich Mahogany has been the subject on many people’s minds inside the business lately, as his dastardly deeds in the ring have been almost as well documented as his sleazy deeds in the bed! When confronted by several members of the press “The Ladies Man” had the following to say:
“Ain’t no doubt about it, baby, Rich Mahogany is on the tips of everybody’s tongue brother! And I mean that exactly the way you think, too! Nevermind this silly little bullrope match and nevermind that stupid tournament in Canada, have you people been watching the Lovely Ladies of Missouri Valley Wrestling? There’s nothin’ that the Rich-Man loves more than watchin’ a couple of sweet sexy tarts get all scantily-clad and oiled up so they can roll around on the mat for half an hour! Not to say that any of them can wrestle, but I sure would like to go a few rounds with that Trailor Park Barbi, if ya know what I mean! KA-CHING!”
No one from MVW was available for comment at the time.
* Last but not least, the Dusty Griffith official website has just released a statement from the Boise State Brawler. Dusty has been out of the public eye since his disqualification in the Pride of Texas Tournament Final bout with Frank Dylan James, but it’s said that he’s doubled his training efforts for the rematch to come. The following was taken from his statement:
“First of all I want to apologize to the referee in that last match. I had no right to put my hands on him as the man was clearly only doing his job. Not only have I paid the fine levied down by Angus Skaaland, but I’ve doubled it, my personal apology to the referee in question. I would also like to apologize to the fans who I’ve let down by sinking down to Frank’s level. This is something that I wouldn’t tolerate from any other wrestler, and something that I won’t tolerate from myself, either.However.I’ve been notified that on September 5th Frank and I will get in the ring one more time, with the Title on the line, inside of a cage. I can’t say that I’m fully happy with this decision as I believe that a title should be wrestled over with honor inside the confines of an officiated wrestling match, but I also know that we’ve already been down that road and it didn’t go so well. And that’s fine. You want to put me in a cage with Frank, tell the referee’s to stay in the back, and let us kill eachother?It won’t be the first time I’ve been inside of a cage, and it probably won’t be the last time, but you can guarantee that it’ll be the last time that Frank Dylan James pisses on this sport that I love! I’m coming for you, Frank, and I’m gonna show you what it’s like when you’ve pissed off the Face of Pro-Wrestling and left him with no other options than to give you a good ol’ fashioned ass-kicking!”
Reporters looking for a response from the Hillbilly Jesus were warned away from his front door when the drunken wrestler stumbled out the front door of the trailer he’s been inhabiting on the outskirts of Austin wearing only a ratty bathrobe and carrying a shotgun in one hand and a jug of corn whiskey in the other. He had one thing to say:
“GIT OFFA MAH LAND HIPPIES!”
* That’s the news for today, remember to keep it locked here and to the E-Wrestling Torch for all the news that matters, and check out LARIAT’s official website for the brand new line of merchandise that goes on sale at the next All-Stars of Wrestling television taping!
